


Just Some Bullshit

by Luci-Cunt_OG (Luci_Cunt)



Category: Original Work
Genre: :), Multi, also wholesomeness I hope, and by death I mean murder, and some questionable choices on the authors aprt, and v bad humor, idk this is just a dump spot for all my lil stupid short stories, like a writers version of a beat up sketchbook, lots of death sorry, seriously tho there's lots of death, so boom
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-10
Updated: 2020-07-10
Packaged: 2021-03-04 18:01:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 17,788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25130536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Luci_Cunt/pseuds/Luci-Cunt_OG
Summary: I wanted a place to stick a bunch of my short stories so I can share them easier than where they're rotting in my google doc, so behold, the shithole. :) I'll put some warnings + a lil summary of each story at the top of each one, along with a word count.Also: I get attatched to certain names so you might see characters with the same personalities/ names over and over again.
Kudos: 2





	1. Skinned

**Author's Note:**

> This first one is about a group of kids trying to be Buzzfeed Unsolved and hunt down a ghost haunting a bridge. 
> 
> ~2.5k words, this one's pretty tame, warnings for ghost stories and an allusion to transphobia that is immediately corrected because fuck transphobes

“Question of the day: which one of us is going to die first?” Calla grinned as she walked backwards to look at the rest of us. I glared at her, and Tanner laughed. 

“Probably you, if you keep walking like that,” he said, running up like he was going to shove her over. She cackled and pushed him away. 

“Definitely not dickhead, I’m the only one here with a knife,” she said, pulling out the small blade she kept in her pockets. She flicked it open and made a show of cutting a tree branch down. 

“I don’t think blades’ll do much if it’s a ghost,” I pointed out, and AJ nodded next to me while Calla glared at both of us. 

“Oooooh, _burn,_ ” he said, which made Calla threaten him with the knife, and Tanner jumped out of the way.

“Shut up Leia, I thought you said you didn’t believe in ghosts,” Calla grumbled, and I rolled my eyes. 

“Just because I don’t believe in them doesn’t mean I can’t point out your false logic,” I retorted, and AJ laughed again. 

The four of us were walking through a forest down a dirt road that was so overgrown I could barely see it. It was dark, and I could barely see the sky above us thanks to the thick foliage. I could hear things moving in the trees all around me but I was trying hard not to jump at every noise. AJ and I were both holding the flashlights while Tanner had an ouija board under one arm and a bag of candles in the other, Calla had exempted herself from carrying anything because she was _‘the only one not pussy enough to kick ass’_ and therefore needed her hands free.

We were all heading down to some bridge out in the middle of nowhere that was supposed to be haunted. Tanner had made a big deal about it and dragged us all out even though I really just wanted to be back at AJ’s house watching cheap horror movies and throwing M&M’s at Calla’s head. 

“Are we getting close? This is getting boring, we haven’t even gotten attacked by rabid raccoon yet,” AJ groaned, and Tanner shot him a look. 

“We’re closer… I think…” he admitted and Calla gave him a scathing look. She was tall, with long limbs and generous curves she didn’t hide. Her dark skin and hair mixed with her dark clothing choice made her hard to see in the dark, but I don’t think anyone actually needed to see her fully to imagine the glare she’d become known for. Today she was wearing a black shirt with an open collar that showed off her shoulder and the strap of a lacy black bralette. The shirt had a picture of Mickey Mouse holding up a middle finger and it was tucked into fashionably ripped black jeans. Dark eyeliner, chipped silver nail polish, and a loose grey flannel around her waist completed the look. 

“What do you mean you _think?_ You said you’d been out here before,” Calla demanded and Tanner winced, holding up the ouija board like a shield. 

“I have!” he said defensively, before shrinking sheepishly, “Kinda…? It wasn’t dark and Lucas was driving us.” I rolled my eyes and Calla scoffed. 

“So you actually have no idea if we’re going the right way, do you?” Calla said, folding her arms over her chest and sticking out her hip expectantly as she stopped to glare at Tanner. The rest of us paused too, AJ and I shining our lights on Tanner accusingly as he winced against the light.

“I know where we’re _going_ ,” Tanner said, “Just not howto get there.” he added, and all of us groaned. He put up his hands defensively, “No, it’s fine, look I’ll just ask Siri,” he said, pulling out his phone and opening it. “Directions to Wables Bridge.” He announced into the phone and AJ snickered.

“ _Wables?_ ” he said and Calla and I laughed with him as Tanner scowled at his phone. 

“I don’t have service,” he said, holding the phone above his head as best he could while keeping the ouija board under his arm. He was almost as tall as Calla, with light skin and orange hair. He was also built like a tank thanks to his star football career and he wore basically the same outfit every single day. Straight jeans, a colored shirt, and his lettermans jacket. I rolled my eyes and pulled out my own phone.

“Of course you don’t, you’ve got…” My sentence tapered off as I didn’t have service either. Calla suddenly sole the flashlight from AJ and put it under face to illuminate her creepy grin. 

“Then we must be getting close,” she said ominously, and Tanner grinned with her while AJ and I rolled our eyes. Then Tanner cocked his head. 

“Wait! Oh, I can hear the river, we’re definitely close,” he said, turning and starting back down the road we’d been following. I shared a look with AJ who raised a brow and shot a significant look at Tanner’s sudden surety. I tried to cover my laugh with a cough. 

AJ was tiny compared to Tanner, he was easily the shortest in our group at 5’2” with short, bleached blond hair and paler skin then Tanner. He had narrow black eyes and insisted on wearing baggy clothing that only managed to make him look smaller.

After a couple more minutes of walking and bickering we finally made it to the bridge. It wasn’t much of a sight, especially after all that Tanner had boasted about it. Bushes and trees had nearly completely overtaken it, crowding the steel frame and making it feel small. The wood that made it possible to walk out on the bridge at all was rotting and looked highly unsafe. Tanner held out his arms in dramatic gesture.

“ _Behold!_ ” 

“Behold what, this looks like a piece of shit,” Calla grumbled as she kicked one of the wooden planks acting as railing. It broke off and tumbled down into the river below. Suddenly the entire bridge started rattling. “ _The fuck?_ ” Calla hissed and I jumped off, dragging AJ with me as Calla all but threw Tanner. We paused, watching the bridge from solid ground as it shook and then– as quickly as it had started– everything went still and quiet again. AJ gulped beside me and Calla managed a nervous sounding laugh. 

“Alrighty then, no more vandalizing, my bad,” She said, and the bridge groaned again, as if in agreement. Calla took a step toward the bridge and AJ grabbed her arm and dragged her back. 

“Going back on the bridge seems like a very bad idea to me,” he hissed and she rolled her eyes, shaking him off. 

“I’m not scared, I can swim, besides, it’s just a little ghostie,” she scoffed, stepping back on the bridge– this time more gently. 

“Besides, the ghost that haunts the place only kills dudes,” Tanner added, and Calla clicked her tongue at them with a smirk. 

“Come on Leia, no dicks allowed,” she said with a laugh and I rolled my eyes, reluctant to get any closer to the bridge. I took a breath though and went after her. 

“You think you count as safe?” Tanner asked AJ and both Calla and I whipped around to glare at him. AJ winced and shrunk in on himself a little. 

“Fuck off Tanner,” Calla hissed and he put up his hands defensively. 

“Just asking, sorry, I didn’t mean it like _that_ ,” he added quickly, shooting AJ an apologetic look. “I was just wondering if…” he stopped himself, realizing he wasn’t really helping himself. 

“What? If a ghost will notice my lack of dick?” AJ asked with an arched eyebrow. “I doubt she has x-ray vision,” Calla and I both laughed. Tanner rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly and AJ waved him off. “It’s fine Tanner, I know you didn’t mean anything,” he added, which made Tanner relax. 

“Hey, and when the ghost tries to kill you then how is any transphobe gonna argue with you?” Tanner added, and AJ grinned. 

“Genius, now we _have_ to find this ghost,” Calla said, and we all laughed. Tanner and AJ followed us onto the bridge– with only minor groaning from it– and we started setting up the board close to the middle. The bushes were less dense here and I could see the river below us. Calla had been right, it wasn’t too far down, and it didn’t look too fast, but it would be cold. I shivered just thinking about it and turned back to my group as I heard the _swick_ of a match. Calla was dramatically lighting each of the candles– five, one for each of us and one for the ghost– and Tanner was placing them around the board. 

“FYI, I’m not touching the board,” AJ said, eying it with a distrust that made Calla and Tanner cackle. 

“What’s wrong? _Afwaid of a scawy ghowst wady?_ ” Calla mocked and AJ rolled his eyes.

“I’m not gonna fuck with spirits.”

“Well I sure as hell am, come at me bitches!”

“Calla, have you ever in your life thought something through?”

“Fuck off AJ.”

“Why don’t both of you shut up, _if_ there’s a ghost you’re probably just pissing it off.”

“Leia you’re such a fun sponge.”

“She’s got a point though, are we doing this or what?” Tanner said, with a wicked grin on his face and his hand already on the ouija board. The other hand was up with his pinkie finger held out. “No fucking with the board,” he said, and Calla and I hooked our pinkies all together with his and squeezed while mumbling _‘No fucking with the board.’_ AJ just rocked a little on his heels.

“Alright, let’s do this,” Calla said, setting her hands with Tanner’s on the planchette. I sighed but put my hands on too.

“Ok, so first of all, let me introduce all of you to the fine lady of this bridge,” Tanner started ominously, he looked around at each of us, the fire from the candles lighting up his face in an eerie way and I pretended there wasn’t chills running up my spine. “Madam Janie Lorette was a small town seamstress, she was known in the town for being their best tailor and she never went a day without business.” at the mention of Janie Lorette the bridge creaked and groaned, AJ jumped next to me and even Calla looked a little nervous. Tanner ignored it and continued with the story. 

“One day a man came into town with a new kind of machine, one that could stitch twelve times faster than any human fingers and do the job twice as well.” This made the wind howl around them and the hairs stood straight up on the back of my neck. “Janie’s business started to go under as people realized they could just buy the machine and do their own sewing, and so Janie went to the man and begged him to leave and take the machines with him. She’d been working herself to the bone trying to keep up with it. But he refused. He told her some sexist BS about it being a man’s world and that it was time for her to get back to the kitchen, and so Janie– filled with rage– snapped. The overworking combined with the condescending refusal broke her mind and so she carved him up until all that was left as skin and bones and she stitched it all together to make a large, heavy coat that she wore around town.” Tanner continued, pausing for effect before going on. 

“The towns people didn’t appreciate this though, and they ran her out of town. Janie got as far as this very bridge and then– in a desperate fit– threw herself off the edge and died. It’s said that her spirit still haunts it, and that sometimes you can see her wailing and wearing her flesh coat, waiting for unsuspecting men to cross her bridge so that she can add them to her coat.”

“Well that’s… pleasant,” I managed when Tanner had finished. Calla let out a tense laugh. 

“Yeah, you’ve got quite the imagination Tanner, might wanna get that head of yours checked,” she said, and Tanner scowled at both of us. 

“Fuck off,” he growled, before his scowl turned into a malicious grin. “Janie, are you here with us tonite?” he asked, and the candles around us guttered as the wind kicked up and the wind started wailing. The planchette moved– slowly but surely– with all of our hands on it toward _‘Yes.’_

“Oh _hell_ no.” Calla hissed, and AJ looked pale. Even Tanner seemed shaken as we watched the word line up under the little viewing hole. 

“Are you planning on hurting us tonight?” Tanner continued, a little quake in his voice. All four of us started yelling as the planchette started moving. 

“ _B… O… Y… S… O… N… M… Y… B… R… I… D… G… E_.” I read out the letters as they were shown, then glanced up as Calla started laughing. 

“Boy _s!_ ” 

“Fuck you transphobes,” AJ said, grinning with her and we all laughed. Suddenly the wind kicked up again, so loud it sounded like wailing in my ears and the candles all were blown out, throwing us into panicked darkness. I pulled my hands away, groping around for the flashlight while Calla shrieked at Tanner and I.

“You idiots!You can’t take your hands off unless you say _good– TANNER!!!!!_ ” she shrieked as the wood beneath Tanner gave out and he fell through the bridge. I lunged forward and grabbed onto him– luckily he’d managed to catch the side of the bridge– he was breathing a strangled sounding laugh as he watched the river flow beneath him. 

“Shit guys,” he managed, and Calla and I started pulling him up just as AJ went flying into the side of the bridge, he yelped in pain and started trying to scramble off the bridge just as Calla and I had hauled up Tanner. I shoved both of them towards the land and then grabbed AJ and dragged him with us off. We’d barely made it off before the bridge completely collapsed, and we watched as it crumbled into the river below. I jumped as I realized there was a woman standing on the bank opposite us. She was opaque and pale, with dark, matted hair and a large, heavy looking coat that was twisted and gnarled and rotting. She waved to us and then vanished, and I let out a breath I hadn’t realized I was holding as Tanner and AJ hissed curses.

“Man, that was my mom’s favorite Jesus candle,” Calla said forlornly as she watched the wreckage wash down the river. We all glared at her. 

“Fuck off Calla.”


	2. Hello, Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one's just about finding the right ace label <3 no warnings, it's soft
> 
> ~1.7k words

“ _She closed her eyes as a breath shuddered through her. Desire and lust filling the space where oxygen had been, want covering every inch of her skin as she watched–_ ”

“No, _no_ , this is ridiculous, there’s no way it’s like that,” AB said, her head shaking as she tried to get her reddening face to cool down. Nadia shot her a glare over the book she’d been reading dramatically from. It was one of the many stacks of novels Nadia had stolen from her mother’s bookshelves, each painstakingly bookmarked for specific scenes and AB wasn’t sure if Nadia had already _had_ the scenes bookmarked, or if she’d gone through just for AB and bookmarked each and every scene that had sex, sexual tension, flirting, or relationship stuff.

There was a decent variety of books, quite a few trashy romance novels–all with strategically half dressed women draped over strategically half dressed men with some raunchy sounding title. The one Nadia was currently reading from was called _Urges of the Flesh_ –along with a couple popular YA books Nadia liked and some from other genres. There was also a pile of books sitting behind AB, ones that she’d specifically vetoed as soon as she saw them. _Fifty Shades of Gray,_ for example,had been stuffed under her bed immediately, it was the only veto Nadia hadn’t argued with. 

They were sitting on the floor of AB’s room, Nadia leaning casually back against the wall under the open window, the piles of books surrounding her so that she looked like some modern-artsy recreation of Belle from Beauty and the Beast. She had long, curly chestnut hair and olive skin, with long limbs and a small torso. Her jawline was square and she had thick eyebrows that she usually furrowed in a glare or raised suggestively. She also had full lips and bright brown eyes that looked like one of those weird glitter drinks when the sunlight hit them. 

She was sitting across from AB, who was comparatively very small. She was actually of pretty average height though, with hazel colored hair cut in a bob and bright blue eyes. She shared Nadia’s olive complexion, even though Nadia was darker (and had clearer skin) and they’d both been mistaken for siblings since the two girls had become friends in fourth grade. 

“Well yeah, duh, it’s fiction,” Nadia said with a sigh, and AB rolled her eyes.

“This is supposed to be _realistic_ , otherwise what’s the point?” AB said, and Nadia took another exaggerated sigh before collecting a couple of the novels from the stack and made a big deal about tossing them over on the veto pile.

“Fine, if you want realism, you’ll get it, but you just got rid of all the fun ones,” she said, crossing her arms and holding AB’s stare. After a couple of seconds of the staring contest AB groaned and flopped back down on the floor of her bedroom.

“This is dumb, I hate this,” she said dejectedly and Nadia rolled her eyes at her dramatics and crawled over to lay next to her. They stared at the ceiling together.

“It’s not _that_ dumb, we could be watching porn,” she muttered and AB groaned again and covered her face with her hands. 

“It’s useless, and pointless, what do I care anyways?”

“It doesn’t have to be this big, but it’s also ok if it’s important to you.”

“But I can’t tell if it _is._ That’s what’s so frustrating!” AB turned her head to look over at Nadia, who followed suit. “Why’s it so easy for you?” AB asked, and Nadia rolled her eyes and looked back up at the ceiling. 

“I dunno, it just _is_ ,” she said, and AB looked up at the ceiling with her. 

“This is dumb,” she said again, because she didn’t know what else to say.

“Sexuality isn’t dumb, it’s just hard,” Nadia said, and AB grinned at her.

“That’s what she said,” Nadia glared.

“You don’t get to make sexual jokes after whining about how hard it is.”

“That’s what she said,” they both said at the same time. Both girls dissolved into easy giggles on the floor. 

“Are we calling it quits? We’ve only gotten through two books so far and I did all this research,” Nadia said, and AB picked her head up enough to glance at the foreboding looking pile of books.

“Are they all like that? Just, ‘ _want_ ,’ that’s all people seem to be able to describe it as,” AB said and Nadia shrugged.

“It’s like… you just see someone and…” Nadia scoffed and propped herself up on her elbows, glaring at the wall as she tried to think of a good explanation, “I don’t know, it’s kind of hard to explain, but like… I mean, you know how sometimes you get a craving for a specific food? Like the other day when you were talking about killing for hot cheetos?”

“I mean, I’d always kill for hot cheetos, but yeah.”

“It’s kind of like that but instead of hot cheetos it’s sex.”

“Huh.”

“Does that make sense?”

“I mean… kind of? But it also doesn’t?” AB said, and Nadia frowned. AB pushed herself up to be on the same level as Nadia. “Like, it makes technical sense, but I just don’t get it–sex just sounds gross to me,” she clarified, and Nadia shrugged again.

“Maybe you’re ace,” she said, AB furrowed her brow. 

“Like, of spades?”

“No dumbass, like the sexuality–asexual, it means you don’t feel sexual attraction,” Nadia explained, then narrowed her eyes and cocked her head thoughtfully, “Well… most of the time.”

“What’s that mean?” AB asked, Nadia sighed. 

“It’s complicated, asexual is just an umbrella term, but you can be demi–which means you’re only attracted to people you have an emotional connection to–or like a bunch of other labels I can’t remember. There’s also aromantic, which is the same thing but instead of sexual attraction you don’t feel romantic attraction,” Nadia said, AB blinked and nodded along. 

“Well, I don’t think I’m demi, or else I’d be all over you,” she said with a teasing smile, Nadia grinned back. 

“Duh, I mean, _look at me_ ,” she said, gesturing to herself, and AB laughed. 

“Maybe I am asexual–ace? Is there even a real difference between romantic and sexual attraction? Aren’t they like, the same thing?” AB said, sobering up and fixing her gaze on the window. Nadia nodded, equally serious. 

“Yeah there’s a difference, here–” she pushed herself up so she was sitting crosslegged and AB followed suit. She watched as Nadia grabbed a couple of books and propped them up. “This one’s like sexual attraction, it’s the one everyone thinks about when they hear ‘attraction’ right?” she started, pointing to the copy of _Urges of the Flesh,_ “It’s basically: you see a person, and you imagine having sex with them, and that’s nice,” she explained, and AB snorted. 

“ _Nice_ ,” she teased, and Nadia rolled her eyes but continued. 

“Like, you like the idea of thinking about having sex with someone, it doesn’t gross you out,” she clarified, then she pointed to the copy of _the Fault in Our Stars_ , “This one’s romantic attraction, is’s like, you see a person and you imagine just being around them, maybe kissing–just like, being in a relationship without the sex kind of,” she said. 

“You keep saying ‘kind of,’” AB pointed out, honestly curious. 

“That’s because none of these really have set rules, they’re all subjective,” Nadia said, AB hummed her understanding. 

“Ok, so what’s–” she turned the last book so she could see the cover, “ _the Lightning Thief_ represent?”

“Grover and Percy, duh–the most iconic friendship of all time–and the best example of platonic attraction we have in our pile,” Nadia said with a grin, “That one’s like you and me, we hang out, we have platonic intimacy but neither of us wants to fuck the other,” she said, and AB laughed. 

“Ok, so basically you’ve got–” she pointed to _Urges of the Flesh,_ “One night stands–” then to _the Fault in Our Stars,_ “Married couples, and–” _the Lightning Thief,_ “BFF’s,” AB summed up, Nadia nodded.

“Yeah kinda, like I said it’s not really set in stone,” she said. She moved _Urges of the Flesh_ together with _the Fault in Our Stars._ “Usually a relationship–like girlfriends and boyfriends–is a mix of sexual and romantic attraction, and people tend to think that’s it, but actually it’s a mix of all three in most cases,” she said, adding _the Lightning Thief_ to the group. “In a purely sexual relationship–like a one night stand–you could just have sexual attraction, or maybe platonic and sexual if it’s like a friends-with-benefits kind of situation,” she continued, moving the books around accordingly. AB watched with rapt attention. 

“Sometimes asexual people still find other people aesthetically appealing and will get in relationships, then they map out their boundaries with their partners, sometimes willing to have sex even though they probably won’t get turned on, or they just aren’t and won’t go past kissing–sometimes not even kissing actually,” AB nodded and pursed her lips, opening her mouth to say something but Nadia cut her off. 

“Then with aromantic people, they don’t want romantic relationships, sometimes they go through with them for their partner, but usually just aren’t interested in that part of the relationship,” she moved the books again and then quickly added, “it doesn’t mean they don’t love their partner–or partners–any less though.” Nadia held AB’s eyes for a moment before continuing. “And then there’s also aro-ace people, who are both, and don’t want sexual or romantic relationships and only want platonic ones,” she finished. She made a face, “See what I mean with the whole, ‘subjective’ thing, it’s kind of a mix and match system. You find labels you think fit you and you add them together until you find what works best.”

“That seems a little complicated?” AB said, her brow furrowing, and Nadia laughed. 

“It is, but you also don’t have to do that, specific identity isn’t the same level of comfort for everyone,” she said with a shrug. Suddenly there was a shout from downstairs. 

“Girls! It’s time for dinner!” AB’s mom called.

“Coming!” AB called back, and both her and Nadia quickly stood up. They grinned at each other. 

“We’ll pick this up after food, I’m starving,” Nadia said, and AB laughed.

“Hey, Nadia, you’re my Grover,” she said, with a crooked smile, Nadia smirked. 

“As long as I’m not your Anastasia Steel,” she said, and AB gagged as they started downstairs. 


	3. Murderous

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This was the first chapter to a longer short story I thought about doing. The idea is that 2 people meet, accidentally kill a guy, cover it up and make a promise to never speak/ come clean ever. 
> 
> 5 years later tho, Norman wants to come clean and so Lucy races to threaten/ convince him not to, only to discover he's dying of cancer. She decides she'll try and be more conniving and subtle about it, but that just leads to her getting closer to Norman and the two of them becoming real friends. Lucy decides she's going to just let him come clean at the risk of her life because she wants him to die peacefully, but at the last second Norman finds out who she is and decides to keep his mouth shut, dying with the secret. So Lucy comes clean after his death, taking all the credit for the murder and leaving Norman guilt free. 
> 
> The story is then being told from the perspective of Lucy's best friend, who's never heard any of this and is only being filled in now that Lucy's in jail--and she's not very happy about it.
> 
> ~2k words, warnings for murder/ panic attacks/ a makeout scene

When most people hear ‘wedding’ the first couple of thoughts that come to their mind tend to be pretty well related to that person. Maybe you think, white, cake, love. Or maybe you think whore, close the door, and panicking. Maybe you think about your cousin Gerard who always got the good looks in the family and managed to not only go out with Scarlett Johansson in high school but also dump her on prom night to go out with the woman that he decided to marry that you were forced to go to the marriage ceremony and forced to promise not to bring up that ‘Janet Mels’ (yes _that_ Janet Mels who pantsed you in eighth grade and still brings it up during her wedding speech as her greatest achievement) is quite a step down from _Scarlett Johansson._

For Lucy P. Jennings, weddings made her think about death, work, and sex. Not necessarily in that order. Right now at least two were running through her head as she shoved Norman J. Peterson against a wall and got extremely intimate with the inside of his mouth.

They’d met shortly before, Lucy being the chauffeur who drove the limo the bride had ridden in on. (Melissa Peterson, who complained the whole way over about how annoying her four inch long acrylic nails were– and proved it by tic-tapping them all over the inside of Lucy’s limo and driving her insane–no pun intended). Norman happened to be the bride's brother, he was acting as the maid of honor. (He was supposed to be wearing a lovely lilac dress that he picked out to match the bridesmaids but in an accident that Melissa was sure her spouse-to-be caused, the dress was burnt to a crisp and Norman was forced to wear one of his older brother’s hand-me-down suits. It happened to be much too large for him, which made it very easy for Lucy to strip him, to both of their delights). 

The pair–rapidly losing clothing–had stumbled into what Norman believed was his apartment over the resort where his sister had just been married that she had rented out for him so that he could be there for the Peterson family tradition ‘post-wed-breakfast-of-hangover-cures.’

Lucy was down to her bra and underwear (which she was currently thanking god that she had chosen to match today, then trying not to think about god while Norman kissed trails down her body) and Norman had lost everything besides his boxers (which he wasn’t thinking about, he was thinking about how it must have definitely been Melissa’s new husband who had destroyed the dress he was supposed to wear because he had definitely heard him talking over the phone to someone and mentioning ‘fag.’ Norman had thought he was talking about his older brother Jacob, who was gay and also trans. It was safe to say Norman didn’t like Melissa’s husband). 

Right as Lucy started to unhook her bra though, she heard the sound of creaking wood. She froze, and Norman froze with her. Currently with his hands on her hips and his lips on her jaw. Lucy had her arms behind her back and she slowly closed the clasp on her bra again before slowly turning around. 

Norman was still holding her, but was now looking over her shoulder, trying to figure out what they had both heard.

“You heard that right?” Norman asked, Lucy rolled her eyes.

“No, I just froze and re-clasped my bra because striped boxers are a turnoff,” she quipped, Norman glanced down at the polka-dotted boxers he was wearing and let out a relieved breath. He let go of Lucy and the two started out of the bedroom. Lucy grabbed the lamp off the bedside table and proceeded to stalk carefully out of the bedroom with Norman close behind her holding a pillow. She looked back at him and scoffed.

“What are you going to do with that? Strangle the intruder?” she said, Norman glared at her.

“Better than hitting them with a soft lampshade,” he shot back, Lucy opened her mouth to whisper yell something back, before looking at the lamp and wordlessly taking off the shade. Then they both continued their stalk through the apartment. 

They turned the corner into the kitchen at the same time as Mr. Jacob Johnson Jeffrey walked around the corner into his living room with a kitchen knife in hand. 

Some things to know about Mr. Jacob Johnson Jeffrey: he was a horrible drunk, with worse anger issues. Currently he was about to use the knife to stab what he thought was his wife with another man in the other room. (Granted, his wife _was_ cheating on him, just with Melissa’s husband in the room two floors down) instead of finding his wife with another man, he ran directly into the mostly nude form of Lucy, who looked nothing like Mr. J.J.J’s wife, but in his drunken rage he didn’t notice and swiped the blade at her while screaming.

“YOU CONNIVING BITCH!” (no pun intended).

Lucy did what any reasonable woman would do, which is block the angry man’s blow, disarm him, and then sit down and have a polite conversation with him about where all his anger came from that eventually lead to his swearing off alcohol and divorcing with his wife. 

Just kidding, Lucy _did_ block the strike, but she also brought the shadeless lamp over the man’s head using an unreasonable amount of strength that Norman found extremely hot and terrifying. Mr. J.J.J found it deadly, as he crumpled to the floor in a lifeless mess. 

Lucy covered her mouth with her hand, and then realized that shattering a glass lamp over someone’s head isn’t nearly as clean and injury free as it seems in the movies, as her hand was covered in blood and cuts. She pulled her hand away and then looked between it and the dead body of Mr. J.J.J.

“Shit,” she and Norman, and the dead spirit of Mr. J.J.J said at once. 

“Fuck,” Lucy said. 

“Oh god,” Norman said. 

“Damn it,” Mr. J.J.J’s spirit said.

Lucy still wasn’t feeling like thinking about god.

“Oh shit, he’s dead,” Lucy said, she clutched her bleeding hand to her chest (later cursing herself for this because she had to throw out her favorite bra thanks to evidence). Norman licked his lips and sucked in a breath. He crouched down next to Mr. J.J.J and reached to feel for a pulse.

“No, no maybe he’s just knocked out, you couldn’t have killed him with a–” he stopped when he didn’t feel a pulse. “Oh no, oh he’s definitely dead,” Norman said. 

“Fuck,” Lucy said.

“Shit,” Norman said.

“Fuck you guys,” Mr. J.J.J’s spirit cursed them as he left the earth going wherever he was going.

“Oh shit, I killed someone,” Lucy said, the words still hadn’t really sunk in, and she was now concerned about her own mental state, because the body she had murdered was lying in front of her and she didn’t feel a thing except mild stinging in her hand. Norman stood up and ran a hand through his hair. 

“It was self defense,” he said weakly, Lucy puffed out her cheeks and swore some more. 

“Are you sure this is your apartment?” she asked, Norman glanced around, then noticed that none of his bags or his brothers were there. (Norman was sharing an apartment with two of his seven brothers, Melissa was the only girl in the family, and was almost never treated as such. In fact, Norman was almost completely sure that she was only marrying so she could prove to him she wasn’t a lesbian– also because their father’s dying wish had been that she never marry. Melissa and her father didn’t get along all that well). 

“Um…” Norman said, Lucy’s eyes widened. 

“Are you kidding me?” she asked, Norman shook his head and Lucy groaned and listed off every curse she knew. (It was a lot).

“We have to dispose of the body,” Lucy said after a long pause. Norman furrowed his brow and widened his eyes at her. (Lucy was a crime enthusiast, Norman, was not. Lucy spent her spare time watching horror movies and Criminal minds and trying to solve the murders before the characters did. Norman spent his spare time coaching a little league baseball team and watching planet earth documentaries). 

“What?” he asked, his voice sounded as constricted as it felt. Lucy ignored him and sucked in a breath.

“I need some clothes,” Lucy said, making her way back to the bedroom where she slipped back into her dress. It was completely black except for a white tie that had been drawn on the front. She’d bought it at a garage sale for three dollars and cried when she’d first tried it on. 

Norman put his oversized suit back on and followed Lucy around the house while buttoning his shirt as she searched for cleaning supplies.

Thanks to Lucy, they cleaned the crime scene, and made it look like Mr. J.J.J had been dipping too deeply into his liquor and accidentally slipped and hit his head on the counter. Which Lucy dropped his body onto so the bleeding would start again and look more realistic. Which made Norman’s lunch threaten to resurrect itself and caused Lucy to scream at him about not spewing incriminating evidence all over the crime scene. 

When they’d finally finished cleaning up Lucy turned to Norman, who couldn’t stop staring at the staged body of Mr. J.J.J. She bit her lip.

“It was self defense,” she said weakly, and Norman swallowed.

“This was my fault, if I hadn’t mixed up the rooms–” he started, and Lucy smacked him across the face. Norman shook his head out and widened his eyes at Lucy. “What the _hell?_ ” 

“Don’t be like that, this wasn’t your fault, I’m the one that smashed a lamp over his head,” she said, he pursed his lips and chewed on the inside of his cheek. Lucy held out her hand. “Listen, you have to promise me that you won’t tell _anyone_ about this _ever._ Got it?” she said, Norman nodded numbly, he couldn’t understand how she was being so calm about all of this. He felt sick, inside and out. He wanted to shower and suddenly felt very personally related Lady Macbeth. That didn’t seem like a great sign though, and he made a mental note not to sleep around his family. He then realized that was going to be difficult. 

“Yeah ok,” Norman said finally, voice tight, he held out his hand. But Lucy pulled hers away.

“Not good enough, _promise,_ ” Lucy said forcefully, she made him meet her eyes. 

“I promise,” Norman said, he took her bloody hand and shook it. Lucy nodded, and then sucked in a breath.

“Now I’m going to go panic in my limo and drown my kidney in rum, I’ll see you never,” Lucy said, as she hurriedly climbed out the kitchen window and onto the fire escape where she climbed down and made her way casually to her limo where she did just what she said she would. 

Everything hit her at once, and it was as soon as she closed the door of the car. Her heart started pounding and it felt like it was cutting off her air. Blood rushed in her ears so loud that she couldn’t even hear herself repeating the words _‘killer’ ‘murderer’ ‘death.’_

Norman left soon after she did, and they both sobbed silently and separately in private, but at the same time. Norman drowning out his own inner thoughts with Elvis and Lucy with alcohol. Both feeling heavier with the new burden.


	4. Dye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I was telling my friend about this story/ character I've had stuck in my head for a while about a zombie apocalypse and she said she wanted to write it for me. That didn't end up working out but I wrote this plot summary out so she could get a vibe of Dye and the plot. The bold words are Dye, I'm the one in the regular () and my friend is the "she" we're usually referring to. Character descriptions at the bottom
> 
> ~3.5k words, warnings for mild mentions of abuse/ violence/ medical descriptions of illnesses/ zombies

(Who’s who)

Luci– writer, current hauntee

 **Dye (Dani Ye)–** demon, hateful spirit, **(LET ME WRITE MY OWN GOD DAMN DESCRIPTION YOU BIASED WHORE)**

******– Love of both Dye and Luci's lives, best ever, super cool, hot **(I agree with more than half of this)**

MOVING ON

Alllllllll righty so this story is crazy all over, but here gooooesss **(Please stop cracking your knuckles it’s gross)** (eat my entire asshole) Moving on, so at least in the zombie world thing I had, it starts off with Dye not having any memories because part of that fungus ‘ate’ his brain. (I say ate because it didn’t actually it just infected it and he gets cured at the end) **(I _WHAT?_ ) **Yeah, so this fungus (Immortus Vitae) **(more like–Uh– stop laughing and actually come up with a good name you asshole)** (leave me alone I’m sick) **(More like originality is a sin, no that one sucks)** (you suck) **(I WISH YOU PRUDE)**. So this fungus is like a virus, and it takes over your digestive system and the limbic system in your brain. Thus taking control of hunger and your pain receptors. This makes mindless, well, zombies. Immortuous Vitae also needs a lot of sodium to survive, and it processes the sodium super fast and the best way to get salt is through the shitty, fatty bodies of human beings. **(You’re saying all this like you didn’t spend an entire tuesday night researching the human brain like a fucking nerd)** (Get off my dick dude) **(You don’t have one to get off of)** (It’s a figure of speech) **(But you have a vagina)** (Oh my god) **(Don’t bring them into this!)** So the fungus– which can be spread through saliva, blood, bodily fluids– **(Yeah like–)** (PG please? Jesus christ) **(What? You said bodily functions, it’s not my fault that’s the first thing I think of)**

The fungus, IV, once transmitted takes roughly 12 hours to fully take over, depending on where you took on the infection. It travels through your bloodstream and gives you a really bad fever and nausea and stuff as your body tries to fight it off. The injection site/ bite/ cut/ **(say it, since you’re being all scientific, don’t skimp you prude)** / intercourse site **(Ayyyyyyyee)** won’t heal and will usually become a bumpy rash around the spot that itches and gives off pus. **(It’s nassstyyy trust me, I’ve seen it)**. The final stages of it are a coma as your brain shuts down in a last ditch attempt to stop the infection, and when you come to, you are a zombie. Basically you’re still you, but driven by this intense hunger. And a crazy sex drive because the fungus not only wants to eat but also spread. **(What is wrong with your head?)** (You)

The only way the infection doesn’t make you completely brainless is the way Dye contracted it, through the air. See, the fungus evolved because when it’s host **(that’s a nice way of putting ‘unwilling meat suit’)** Can’t walk anymore or eventually dies due to salt intake, it needs to be able to spread in a way that’s not contact, so it shoots off spores. These spores then get breathed in and you become infected, though this takes much longer because the fungus needs to grow and also acclimate to it’s new status so it’s more like a 24 hour process. Dye however, inhaled the actual, fungus part. His father **( _step_ -father, that guy was a dumbass)** worked in the hospital and was doing some shady stuff– i.e growing a zombie fungus– and Dye knocked into it and inhaled the actual fungus, which caused it to latch onto his brain but in a more symbiotic way. A less harmful way. And, since it wasn’t acting the way it was used to, it got it’s– well not neurons but you know what I mean– _wires_ crossed and instead of becoming addicted to human flesh Dye became minorly addicted to pineapple **(Now that’s a bullet dodged)**

So, he gets infected, and loses his memories (because while trying to clean it up he manages to whack his head and knocks himself out) someone else comes in, breaths in the fungus and then goes home to his wife and they fuck and the disease starts it’s spread. **(Poor guy’s probably addicted to table clothes or something)** (Actually coat hangers) **(You’re sick, you know that?)** Dye wakes up, see’s the visitor sticker on his coat (D. Ye for Dani Ye) (It was gonna be Daniel but then I remembered that’s my dads name and I thought it was weird so I changed it) **(How do you forget your own fathers name?)** (No one calls him that! They all call him Mac) **(and they say _I_ have daddy issues) **(Leave me alone ok) and just decides to go about life without any memories and the name Dye. **(It’s a kickass name, and by kickass I mean four shots of tequila and seven lines of coke you look a whole lot like a bully I had in highschool kickass)**

The story starts with him getting questioned by some hillbillies who want to know what he has that he trades with DeVito (local shelter owner and home supplier) **(I think you mean slug infested gangster)** (Yeah that too). Dye trades pineapple scented hair gel with DeVito for money and protection from DeVito himself. The hillbillies don’t believe him yadda yadda, then a zombie pops up and they take off, leaving Dye alone. 

Dye wanders up and meets up with Kent and Meryl, they’re basically his parents **(I love them)** (Me too) **(Oh! You have to tell her that you made them my ‘parents’ because otherwise I definitely would have fucked them both– preferably at the same time)** (No, no that is _not_ the case) **(Lying is a sin)** (making you was a sin) Kent and Meryl live in DeVito’s sanctuary and they pay him back by guarding the place and working as his guard dogs basically. Meryl’s pregnant and there's this whole scene where she tells Dye she know’s the baby’s going to be a boy because the psychic that lives with them said so. This interaction happens:

“Yeah, I had that psychic tell me, and I just know, our sweet little boy. We haven’t decided on a name yet.” I didn’t have the heart to tell them that I knew ‘Lady Mistyc’ was the hackiest hack I’ve ever seen. The only time I’d ever been to see her she’d told me that I had fungus. Her screeching that at me in the middle of DeVito’s casino went over as well as you can assume. By which I mean I got jumped outside and searched for shrooms I didn’t have. 

“Well, I’m sure with gorgeous parents like you two, this kid could be named Toe-Jamb and still find his way,” I said, Kent and Meryl giggled and winked at me. 

“I hope he’s half as much of a flirt as his godfather” Kent said, I grinned again. Then Kent waved his hand for the guy in the booth to buzz me in. His gold wedding band sparkled.

“We better not keep you from your slug feeding, we don’t want the world to end” Meryl said, then she brightened, “Oh! And we got some pineapple upside down cake if you want a slice or two. Kenny and I spent all night making it. My cramps were the worst last night, I don’t know how he put up with me,” she said, I laughed, and Kent squeezed his wife with a small smile.

“Seriously baby, you gotta deal with cramps, a baby, me, and the apocalypse, I’ll stay up and bake with you any night,” he said, kissing Meryl on the cheek. She giggled and the fence started rattling open. 

“Alright hon, you take care of yourself, Kenny and I are about to be off so we won’t see you out,” Meryl said, I nodded and waved back at them, they waved for a moment before they started making out. I rolled my eyes and smirked as I made my way up the stairs to the giant casino’s doors. 

**(God I love them, OTP)** (Ugh, I know)

So yeah, that happens and then Dye goes up to see DeVito, except that word’s been getting round that DeVito’s been sweet on Dye and no one can figure out why so in order to keep up his reputation he tries to get Dye to give up his stash so he can kill him. But, **(luckily)** before anything bad happens, Blondie and Glasses bust in. 

He calls them Blondie and Glasses but they’re actual names are Rhys Llevano (pronounced ye-vano) **(hot)** and Cadenza Levi **(Mean)** (Hot) **(If sociopathic narcissists are your type)** (Well doesn’t that sound familiar) **(Oh my god you didn’t!)** (Oops). Cadenza and Rhys **(Where’s the eggplant emoji when you need it)** (You don’t need it) **(That’s homophobic)** (You’re homophobic) **(I’m gay!)** (So am I!) busted in because they wanted DeVito to tell them where one of the hospitals is that’s still functioning because Rhys has information about the fungus (specifically that it is a fungus and not a disease because no one knows that yet) **(Ugh he’s so smart, my love)** because DeVito has been selling the locations of hospitals to people. But they bust in while Dye’s getting questioned **(tortured)** and so stuff and things happen and Cadenza ends up buying Dye off DeVito because DeVito tells them they can sell him to the doctors because he’s immune to the zombies. **(Yeah thanks for that)** (hey, we love a meet-cute)

So they end up doing the whole road trippin’ thing to a hospital in Philadelphia **(Do you have a road trip and/ or crime kink?)** (No, why?) **(I’m just saying, DeVito, Rose-Count, Philly, Cali?)** (Oh my god) and at first both Cadenza and Rhys can’t stand Dye (I mean, can you blame them?) **(How dare you, I am a gift)** (I thought you said lying was a sin) (She can’t hear your affronted gasp you know that right?) **(It wasn’t for her you sadist)** (Stop fake crying is– wait, oh my god did you put on eyeliner for this??) **(Yes, I needed the right effect)** (I swear to _god_ ) **(Don’t bring them into this!)** So they don’t like him at first but then he grows on them and they bond when Dye saves Cadenza from a hoard of zombies. **(It was very impressive and my husband was very impressed)** (Actually I think he was minorly concerned for your mental health seeing as how you just kept screaming insults about the zombie’s outfits while you saved her) **(I can’t believe you, and they say children are a cock block)** (What’s that supposed to mean?) **(Nothing).**

So then they end up having to run from these guys who are looking for Patrick Ye (Who’s Dye’s stepfather) but since Patrick is dead **(Ha, hoe)** they hoped that Dye would be the closest thing to good for them because the guy who sent them– Paolo– has a family member who got bit and he wants Dye to cure them. (I never really decided which family member he actually wanted cured because I didn’t really get that far) **(Asshole)** (Fuck you, I fell in love with Ash so leave me alone) **(Which Ash? There’s so many of them)** (That’s low) **(You’re low)**

So then Cadenza and Dye end up getting got by these bandits while Rhys is out doing some digging on who’s looking for them. **(Ugh, my man, this next part I came up with)** The bandit king (Paolo) assumes that Cadenza is Dye’s girlfriend so he uses her to try and get Dye to cure his fam but Dye doesn’t know how to. **(No not that part, the next one, that one’s stupid and heteronormative PAOLO)** Dye ends up getting knocked out which triggers a memory. **(No not this part either you’re just a sadist)** (leave me alone, I didn’t want this) **(Then why are you writing it)** (I’m probably a masochist) **(And I thought _I_ was kinky)**

Anyways, we find out through the flashback who Patrick is (Dye’s step dad), and also that when Patrick found out Dye messed with the fungus he pushed him down the stairs and almost killed him. Dye went into a coma, Patrick got infected, and that other guy got infected and they both spread the fungus and so on and so forth. **(I need vodka)** (Tell me about it).

Also– IV (Immortuous Vitae) basically saved his life, because since IV’s host is the only thing keeping it alive, it does everything it can to preserve the body it’s infecting. This means that it can manually shut down certain functions if it means saving others, i.e zombie gets shot in the head, IV stops supplying blood to an arm and fixes the brain so the body still functions. **(Thanks IV, what would I do without you!)** (She can’t read sarcasm) **(Well I think it’s pretty implied, and she’s not a dumbass)** (I’m just saying) **(Saying what? Are you calling your friend a dumbass?? My goodness!)** (Don’t even start this, you know that’s not what I meant) **(I can’t be _LIEVE_ you’d think of your friends like that!)** (Oh my god) 

Dye comes back to, and he and Cadenza are hanging, upside down over a zombie pit:

The blood all rushed to my head and I was trying not to think of how unattractive my purpling face probably looked. Ropes secured me– a little too tightly– as I hung below what looked like a giant hook attached to a crane. Cadenza was tied up next to me, hanging upside down too so that her firey hair hung down like a cape. A dirty, knotted, matte cape. She was also glaring at me. I looked down– or up?– to see a pit of stumbling zombies crawling over themselves below us.

“This feels very James Bond” 

Luckily, before they get fed to a bunch of zombies Rhys comes in and saves them. **(Yeah! That’s the part! Except, you didn’t fully encapsulate my true vision)** (That’s because you wanted to be ‘swept up heroically and kissed romantically, with all the detail of a raunchy romance novel that you burn after you read it’) **(Is that so much to ask for?)** (It is when you hadn’t even built up a romantic relationship) **(Romantic shmantic, people’ll ship anything, especially if it’s with two hot gays)** (True but I care about quality, and I’m writing people not relationships) **(Yeah that much is pretty obvious, prude)** (Fuck off) **(Wish I could)**

So Rhys saves them, they get away, but this is also the falling action/ climax-ish **(Ha, climax)** (Jesus Christ) so Dye gets kinda depressed because he’s remembering things, like his step-father and the pretty shit life he had before the apocalypse. BUT he doesn’t remember why Patrick shoved him down the stairs, just something about “MY LIFE'S WORK” and then the tumble. **(“Tumble” really? That’s what you’re going to call my attempted murder?)** (Sorry, ‘fall’) **(“Fall from grace”)** (Fall) **(Fall from grace)** (Fall) **(...from grace)** (Fall. Period.) **(Ha, you have to go through that every month)** (If I could I would shove you down the stairs again) **(Rude)**

Then this is also when Rhys and him become closer **(You can’t see it but I’m wiggling my eyebrows suggestively)** as friends **(Lies)** for now **(Homophobe)** they bond because Rhys had a pretty shit childhood too, but it wasn’t as bad as Dye’s. Rhys’s fam was just super poor, but they loved him. **(Which means he’s been a working boy for a long time, which means MUSCLES)** (That’s insensitive) **(But Jesus Christ biceps mmmmmmmmm)** (oh my god) **(AND HIS BACKK oh fuck, this boyyyy)** (Someone find me a god damned staircase) **(OOoh, and he’s got thighs that could cruuushhh my skulllll please god let me die like that)** (Can we move on?) **(...top of him? Yes please)** (You’re not a top stop lying) **(Pot, kettle babe)** (How dare you)

Yeah so anyways, it gets kinda sad, but like also only because Dye’s the P.O.V, cause like, Rhys and Cadenza kinda notice it but he’s trying to cover up his sad because he doesn’t want to be seen as a sad boy. (You’re not babe I love you, being sad is ok) **(Right back at ya)**

But then, when they finally find the hospital, turns out that DeVito was waiting for them because he never forgets a bitch. He still thinks that Cadenza and Rhys owe him and Dye needs to give him the hair gel local so he can die. Cadenza and Rhys decide that it’ll be fine and they can just find another hospital, but Dye doesn’t think so, and he makes a deal with DeVito that if he gives up his stash, all his money, and himself, then Cadenza and Rhys can go free. 

So he makes the deal in secret, but Rhys ends up yanking it out of him and he tries to stop him from going. **(He does care!)** But, Dye’s all sad and he convinces himself that Rhys is just trying to save his own guilty conscience and doesn’t actually care about him. **(What a hoe, boooo)** (Stop throwing popcorn it’s giving me a headache) **(No that’s just your life)** (Get off. My. Dick) **(We already had this conversation–)** (–ANd, we’re not having it again)

Anyways, Dye tells him there’s no way he’s not going, because he does care about them both and he thinks this is the only way to save them. Rhys tries to argue and say they’ll just book it and find another hospital and Dye says that this one is their best chance and they might not have time to find another. So then, Dye tries to walk away and Rhys stops him and they kiss and it’s great. **(It really is)** “You better come back” so yeah. 

Now Dye’s like ‘yo ho wow shit I– fuck yeah so– yeah’ **(It was a great kiss)** and then he walks to his death. 

Ok so this is kinda why I stopped writing because I can’t come up with a good ending that I like. Like I want Cadenza and Rhys and Dye to all live, and like, live happily ever after, and I also would like DeVito to get fed to zombies, but I don’t know what to do. This part Ima trust you with because I can’t decide what I want to do. 

Charactersss

 **Dye** : darker skinned (he’s part Indian on his mom’s side), with blue eyes and short dark hair. He’s a little shorter than average (5’9”ish) **(Bitch)** He wears literally anything because he **looks good in literally everything**. Smirk is like his go to expression, and when he smiles it’s kinda lopsided. He runs his hand through his hair a lot and when he’s nervous he stutters and blushes REAL bad. **(Bitch)**

 **Rhys** : Blonde haired, in a crew cut (basically like Cal’s hair) **(Except my boo did it first, that little bitch boy is a copycat)** (First of all, how dare you) **(Stop booing me, I’m right)** He’s pretty tall (6’2”ish) and lean as fuck **(Mmmlakdioonaakdfonei)** he’s got green eyes **(like emerelds, ugh they’re beautiful)** he’s also pretty quiet and doesn’t really talk much. He crosses his arms a lot and glares, but he’s like– well, on a scale between Cadenza and Dye he’s right in the middle. Plus throughout the book Dye is VERY obvious about how much he likes Rhys **( _Very_ )** and Rhys just outright ignores him until the end. **( _:(_ )**

 **Cadenza** : HUGE red hair, like, almost the size of her and down to her lower back. She ties it in tiny little braids to get it out of her face, or when she’s anxious or mad so it’s just got all these little knots and braids throughout it. She wears everything and anything _exclusively_ Levi’s because of her last name and she’s a minor narcissist. She’s also obsessed with knives so she has two huge machete’s strapped to her at all times (they’re called the M&M’s Marshal and Maura), and she definitely _doesn’t_ kiss them goodnight **(she does, it’s sick)**. She’s average height (5’10”ish) and she laughs maniacally anytime she kills a zombie in a cool way. Rhys does not approve. 

**DeVito** : Slug haired, greasy hoe with green eyes and the complexion of a snake. He’s a bitch and we do not like him at all. **(Cheekbones McGee is gross)**

 **Paolo** : Younger, Latino, with dark hair and dark eyes and a thick accent. He doesn’t speak very good english so most of his lines are in spanish or broken english. He doesn’t look like much but they call him the bandit king for a reason. **(It’s because he runs a gang with a bunch of criminals, like big mean looking ones that are super handsy. And not even in the fun way)** (Yeah that) 


	5. Just Stay Out of My Way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Idk where this came from XDD, it's about this chick Leah who kills people, cuz she's a sociopath, and this guy Link accidentally stumbles onto her crimescene so she kidnaps him and tries to figure out what to do with him. It's dark comedy, and don't worry, Link doesn't die. 
> 
> ~8k words, warnings for kidnapping/ murder/ violence/ a very random monologue about sexuality XD

*E*

Sometimes, I question sanity.

Not my own– god knows I’ve barely got any– but sanity in general. I guess just the idea that certain thoughts can change the way people perceive you. Reality is pretty subjective in my opinion, and it’s a little presumptuous to decide that the reality most people agree with is the only reality. 

In my case, my reality involves a lot less emphasis on empathy. 

“ _GOD_ PLEASE!!! Please stop! I have– I– I have a family! And a wife and I can’t lea– No! NO PLEASE!” Jonathan Trickston was begging for his life on his own carpet, and as I watched him crawl and beg and sob I tried to poke at that part of my brain that didn’t seem to work. The part where I shove my feet into Mr. Trickston’s shoes and feel some urge to stop what I’m doing. I frowned when it didn’t work, and then sighed as he started dragging himself towards the sliding glass door. I’d already stabbed him in the leg twice, he was bleeding all over everything and the only thought I had as I stalked toward him was _“What a waste of carpet.”_

“I was _joking_ , please, _please stop!_ ” Mr. Trickston sobbed as I grabbed his ankle and dragged the man back towards me. He screamed as I raised my knife and I cut his throat with gritted teeth. 

Fucking screamers, my ears are gonna be ringing for the next fucking week. Gross. 

I rolled a kink out of my neck and stood up, there was blood on my pants, that kinda sucked, and more blood was still leaking from Mr. Trickston along with what was probably piss. I shuddered and turned away. _Fucking bodily fluids._ I wiped off my knife on my pants and tucked it away, then I straightened, fixed my hair, and left the cabin.

I yawned as I walked down the road, I’d parked my car about a mile out. It was nighttime, and the stars above me were out in all their sparkling brilliance, the moon lighting the way for me in what probably would have been an ominous lighting if I wasn’t so content in the fact that _I_ was the nasty people usually imagine following them in the dark. I’m not so arrogant to believe that I’m the only monster in the world, but it just doesn’t seem probable.

Jonathan Trickston had died because I wanted to kill someone. In fact, I almost always wanted to kill someone. The thrill of stalking and hunting down a victim combined with the satisfaction of actually killing them and then getting away with it was the most entertaining thing I had. I’d started killing mostly on accident, after a rocky childhood and a couple nights of unwanted intimacy, I killed my cousin– and I didn’t feel a thing. Tiny little Eleanor Lunard had laughed as her cousin bled from the head and his eyes went glassy and still. Suffice to say, my parents hadn’t been too thrilled about it, so they created the story of a monster that crawled through our window and murdered my cousin and left before it got the chance to take me too. 

The media ate it up, and little Eleanor became an internet sensation, a tiny little survivor, luckily it only lasted about a week before someone else became the center of the world, and I got to go back to living as Leah. But, tiny Leah suddenly had a taste for the most exhilarating experience she would ever have, and that had created a fascination and an addiction. 

I learned pretty quickly what the do’s and don'ts of murder are, one of them being: people who are unliked die the easiest. Mr. Trickston was a known pervert, and his wife wasn’t very quiet about her dislike for him. He’d been _“joking”_ about soliciting my 8 year old alias. All I’d had to do was pretend to be an interested party and he’d taken the bait and flown out to the little cabin in the middle of nowhere. There was also a note that his wife would find, detailing how his newest affair had changed his heart and he was running off with his new mistress– but that he was leaving all his funds to her as long as she reported nothing. 

This was the plan I had meticulously put in place, and I knew it would work out and Mr. Trickston’s dead body wouldn’t be found for at least a year. Though part of me was still feeling the rush of hunting him down, now I just felt bored. I was going to have to start the process all over again, finding a new douchebag and memorizing their schedule so that I could stalk them and try not to fall asleep watching someone's boring life. I sighed as I walked and pursed my lips.

There was a few people who I worked with that could be possibilities. _Jacobson from accounting’s apparently been groping employees. Conners steals everyone’s lunch and she’s probably a drunk. Except she’s a single parent, orphan’s would cause trouble. Jacobson’s probably my best bet._

There was suddenly light from a car coming towards me. I relaxed my shoulders and kept walking until I realized the car was slowing down, I glanced over and watched as the window of a fancy looking convertible rolled down to reveal an anxious looking man. 

He had auburn hair that was a complete mess of loose curls, that and pretty looking brown eyes and olive-ish skin. I raised a brow and cocked my head in question.

“I was just wondering if you wanted a ride, I don’t know how far you’re going but I’ve got to drop off something but then I’m on my way to Falls,” he said and I narrowed my eyes on him. He looked genuine, which was a bit of a surprise. He also looked a lot shorter than me, even sitting down. I tossed the idea around in my head for a moment, thinking about my bloodstained pants for a second but by now the black material was dry. Falls is what most of the locals called the tiny town up a couple miles that was surrounded by waterfalls. My car was parked on the way and I was already bored by the walk, even though, talking with a stranger sounded almost as draining as the walk. Eventually I nodded.

“I’m heading to just before Falls, parked my car there for a hike,” I said, and he smiled as I walked around and climbed into the passenger's seat. 

“Cool, I’m Link by the way, I’m sorry maybe this is weird, I just saw you walking and just– I don’t know, _I_ wouldn’t want to be walking alone in the dark so I just thought I’d ask,” Link rambled nervously, he laughed a little and glanced to me as he started driving again. I pretended to smile back. “Yeah, it is a little cold,” I said, and he laughed. Now that I was closer I noticed he also had freckles across his nose, he looked young, maybe my age– college age, and he had a simple gold band on his left hand. He caught me looking and grinned.

“Oh, uh, yeah, I’m getting married, my fiancé just proposed to me actually a couple days ago,” he beamed, holding out his hand to show the ring I pretended to smile again and nodded.

“Congratulations,” I said and he smiled again. I looked out the front window to avoid his gaze and suddenly realized we were heading back towards the cabin, I pursed my lips. “Where did you say you needed to go?” I asked carefully, and Link laughed and blushed a little as he turned down the dirt road leading to the cabin I’d just murdered someone in. 

“I clean these cabins, and well, I’m not a very memory gifted person–” he cut himself off with a nervous laugh. “I actually forgot my keys there, can you believe it? I had to steal my boyfriend– fiancé’s– car to get out here.” I clenched my jaw. 

“Huh.” I managed. I’d known that cleaners tended to come and dust everything or tidy up when someone first bought the cabin, but I hadn’t realized they would also send someone to clean before you came to visit. I almost groaned as I remembered the moronic decision to announce my arrival. Link parked the car in front of the cabin and smiled over at me.

“Ok, I’ll be just a minute and then we can head out,” he explained, “Sorry about this,” he added before climbing out of the car. I jumped out after him and he furrowed his brow. 

“Let’s uh, hey why don’t I come in with you? Two more eyes? It might help ya know, the search,” I stumbled to think of an excuse. My mind was reeling, if he walked into the building he would discover the bleeding body of Mr. Trickston, and I would be screwed. I pushed a hand through my hair and then tugged on the braid it was in. Link looked skeptical but acquiesced, and I followed him up the stairs and watched as he unlocked the cabin with the key under the doormat. _Of fucking course there was a key there for staff, Leah you dumbass._

He pushed the door open and flicked on the lights and before I could say anything he screamed and his eyes widened. I panicked and slammed his head again the door frame. Link went limp with a slight yelp and crumpled to the floor. 

“ _Shit_.”

*L*

I groaned as I woke up. My head felt like it had been hit by a brick and for some reason I couldn’t move my legs. I tried to stretch out but suddenly realized I wasn’t in my bed at home. Panic suddenly seized me and I couldn’t breathe. My eyes snapped open and I looked around frantically as I tried to figure out where I was. My wrists were zip tied together and there was duct tape over my mouth. It was completely dark and really cramped wherever I was, and I could hear what sounded like an engine running. 

Slowly my eyes adjusted to the dark and I looked around again, this time I spotted a bag that looked familiar. I narrowed my eyes and scooted towards it, before suddenly realizing it was Jaz’s bag. _Fuck I was in the trunk of Jaz’s car._

I racked my brain and tried to remember what had happened, it came back in fragments. _Jaz let me borrow the car, why? Oh I forgot my keys at the cabin and– there was a woman who– a body– oh_ fuck _._

I groaned as I realized Jaz was never going to let me live this one down. 

_“Don’t pick up hitchhikers, it’s dark and I don’t want them stinking up my car.”_

Fuck. 

Suddenly the car stopped and I started banging on the trunk and screaming through the duct tape to try and get someone to notice. The sound of a car door slamming made me flinch and when the door to the trunk opened up I screamed. 

The woman scowled down at me, she glowed a little with the moonlight behind her and I pressed myself back farther to get away from her. She just rolled her eyes and yanked me forward, dragging me out of the trunk like I weighed nothing. It didn’t help my terror and I struggled against her more but she just sighed.

“Can you not? I’m already having a rough day it would be great if you could just cooperate,” she deadpanned and for a moment I froze and looked at her disbelievingly. _Is she being serious?_ “Thanks, appreciate it,” she said, using my momentary shock to throw me over her shoulder and I screamed again and tried to struggled off again, she tightened her grip painfully and growled something. We were making our way into what looked like a warehouse, and she cursed under her breath before dropping me on the ground to fumble with the padlock on the door. 

I tried to regain the ability to breath like a functioning human being and then started to try and crawl away. It felt pretty pointless but I couldn’t just lay there and let her drag me away. I heard the chain drop as she unlocked the door and I looked over my shoulder in time to see her sigh and stalk towards me. 

“Where do you even plan on going? Chill I haven’t even decided if I want to kill you yet,” she grumbled as she grabbed my leg and dragged me into the building. I scrambled to grab onto something and managed to catch the door frame. I held on and tried to pull myself out, still screaming desperately. 

“ _Christ man, what the fuck_ ,” the woman hissed as she pulled on my leg. There were no other buildings within sight and that sudden realization made my insides freeze. Helplessness choked me and my fingers slipped on the doorway as she dragged me the rest of the way into the warehouse. I looked around panickedly– noticing that the building was virtually empty, with a single chair in the center of the room and a tiny little office off to the left side that served as the only other room in the high-roofed building. I watched as she slammed the door behind us and then grabbed under my armpits to drag me over to the chair. I kicked and screamed but it didn’t do anything besides make her hiss insults and curses in my ear as she hefted me into the metal seat.

I tried to lunge out but she shoved me back down and pointely zip tied my legs to the chair before brandishing a knife at me that made me freeze. My eyes were glued to the knife as she narrowed her eyes at me.

“I’m taking off the ties here, if you hit me I swear to god I’ll cut your nose off,” she hissed and I could feel tears filling my eyes. “Got it?” she snapped and I nodded as she shoved the knife in my face. “Ok good,” she said, cutting the tie and then securing my arms to the arms of the chair. “That wasn’t so bad, jesus,” she muttered, before straightening and narrowing her eyes at me. After a moment she reached out and ripped the duct tape off my mouth. I screamed, and yelled for help. My already overused throat burned and the woman rolled her eyes and slapped a hand over my mouth, holding the knife back up. 

“No one can fucking hear you, all you’re doing is giving me a headache so can you not keep screaming for help?” she said and I glared, she slowly removed her hand.

“Fuck you! You’re going to kill me! I’m not just going to _not_ try and escape!” I said, before going pale as I realized antagonizing the lady with a large knife probably wasn’t a good idea. 

The woman sighed again. “Fine, but I’m getting Advil, I’ll be back when you’re done, I hope your fucking vocal cords snap,” she said, stalking off towards the little office room and slamming the door behind her. I leaned down and started trying to chew through my zip ties, unfortunately that proved to be a bit more difficult than I’d originally thought, and then my phone started ringing. I jumped at the sound of it and then a wave of relief washed over me as I recognized the ringtone, it was Jaz’s, Jaz would get suspicious, he would come find me, or get the police to come. _All I had to do was sur–_ I cursed as the woman suddenly charged out of the room and over to me. 

“If you don’t pick up that phone will someone come looking for you?” she asked, and I closed my mouth and watched her with wide eyes. She had brown hair that was tied back in a loose braid. The sides of her head were shaved close to the scalp and she was wearing all black, canvass looking clothing. Her eyes were intense and silver and they matched the giant ass knife she was holding. 

“Answer me or I take an ear,” she hissed, holding up the knife, I yelped and flinched away, almost knocking the chair over. 

“Yes, _yes_ , Jaz will worry,” I said, and she groaned. 

“Ok, you’re going to answer the phone, and tell him that you ran off with someone, got it? Tell him that the wedding’s off and that you hate him, cool?” Now I really felt like crying. 

“No! No not cool! I’m not going to tell my fiancé that I hate him!” I managed and she scowled at me. 

“Ugh, _fine_ ,” and she reached out and dug through my pocket, pulling the phone out, I screamed again. 

“No! NO! You can’t– don’t do this, _please_ don’t do this!” I yelled and she slapped a hand over my mouth again before pressing the call button. She hit speakerphone and threatened me with the knife she had in the same hand as the phone. I whimpered uselessly. 

“You still figuring out Lu?” I heard Jaz laugh through the phone, Lu was the name of his stupid car. “Took me a whole week to figure out how to answer calls, anyways– what’s the hold up? Pizza got here ten minutes ago,” he said.

“Who the hell are you?” the woman asked, suddenly sounding like some bad impression of a valley girl. 

“Uhhh, who the hell are _you_ , where’s Link?” Jaz asked, sounding suspicious. 

“Um, I’m Link’s girlfriend you dumbass, why are you calling him?” 

“Yeah, ok, who the fuck are you?” 

“Tell me who you are first.”

“I’m Jaz, his fiancé, and the guy who’s five seconds from calling the cops, where the fuck is Link?” Jaz demanded, and I felt another wave of relief wash over me. I bit her hand and she hissed at me but yanked her hand back.

“JAZ HELP! There’s a warehouse and she’s–” suddenly she stabbed the knife into my thigh, red hot pain laced it’s way up my leg and I screamed. She yanked the knife out and glared at me.

“Christ, thanks, now I have to deal with this, fucking thanks,” she snapped at me before turning back to the phone. Jaz was panicking and screaming into the phone, I couldn’t really hear him though because my ears felt stuffed with cotton balls. My eyes kept unfocusing and my leg felt like it was on fire.

“Ok, here’s the deal, I’ve got your man, and if you go to the cops at all I’ll kill him. If you tell _anyone_ he’s missing, I’ll kill him. So don’t fuck with me right now,” then she glared at me. “And give me a minute,” she added, setting the phone down on my leg to grab a roll of duct tape from her pants pocket. She ripped of a piece and I managed a few hazy _no_ ’s before I couldn’t talk anymore. I could still hear Jaz screeching death threats into the phone and I groaned and let my head loll back as another lash of pain went up my leg. 

“What the fuck do you want.” Jaz growled, and the woman sighed.

“I don’t know, some peace and quiet? Listen, I didn’t _want_ to grab your man– it was a wrong place wrong time kind of thing. But that doesn’t mean I won’t kill him if you don’t do everything I say,” she explained, “First, wait, one sec–” she hung up the phone and tapped the screen for a moment before ripping the duct tape half off and holding it up to my face. 

“Passcode,” she ordered, I couldn’t really hear her though. She poked a finger into my leg, right where the cut was and I screamed again. “ _Passcode._ ” she hissed again.

“4426,” I said as the phone started ringing again, the sound of it made my head pound and I groaned.

“I said give me a fucking minute jesus,” she growled into the phone.

“You fucking bitch if you touch one god damn hair on his head I will–” she cut Jaz off by hanging up and then snarled at something she saw on the phone. 

“Oh fuck you,” she grumbled, probably at the find friends she’d figured out I had turned on, something like terror clenched my gut as she tossed the ringing phone against the wall of the warehouse. I blinked and suddenly my hands were zip tied together again and my legs were free, I tried kicking out at her but she just tossed me over her shoulder again and I passed out again. The last thing I could think of was _fuck me._

*E*

Nadia was probably not going to be very happy. Then again, I didn’t really care that much. I ignored the slight uneasy anticipation I was having as I knocked on Nadia’s door while holding a mostly-conscious guy over my shoulders. I had to knock twice before I heard the sound of Nadia waking up, and when she finally opened the door she looked pissed, when she saw me though she raised a brow, then looked over to where I was holding Link. 

“This better not be some kind of complicated foreplay, I was sleeping,” Nadia said, and I rolled my eyes. 

“I need your help,” I bit out, and Nadia threw back her head and cackled. She was wearing a bright red, silk, kimono-ish-robe-thing. It had sleeves that opened up and then hung down almost to her knees, it seemed a little impractical, her black hair was up in a haphazard bun and she had a sleep mask shoved up her face that said “Bitches Need Beauty Sleep” but I knew she hadn’t been sleeping because she still had her makeup on. It was slightly outrageous, but didn’t look bad, bright shimmery green eyeshadow and thick black eyeliner. That with the _pounds_ of highlighter on her cheekbones made her look like some kind of heiress, or goddess. She sighed and started undoing the kimono strap, probably to swap sides and I rolled my eyes.

“I’m not killing him,” I said, and she looked up at me skeptically. I shrugged, “Yet.”

“Fine, come in, what do you need help with?” She asked, stepping aside so that I could come in. She closed the door and then crossed her arms over her chest. Her heavy makeup made her eyes look smaller than usual, but that didn’t affect her overall stunning looks. 

“Well, do you have a chair I could tie him to? Or a room I could stuff him in?” I asked, and Nadia rolled her eyes but walked into the kitchen and pulled out a chair on her way. I set down Link and started securing him to the chair, before I followed Nadia into the kitchen where she was boiling water for tea. 

“Do you have any of the gyoza left over?” I asked, opening her fridge to dig around.

“No, you ate all of it last time you were here, in like, two sittings. Those took me a whole day to make you heathen,” she grumbled and I shrugged again.

“So, you going to tell me who that is? And why you’re covered in blood and dropping on my doorstep at the ass crack of dawn?” 

“Yeah, I was finishing up with Trickston and then this kid popped up out of nowhere, he saw the body. I haven’t decided what to do with him, maybe he’ll just bleed out,” I said, pulling a package of pizza rolls out of the freezer and clicking on the oven. Nadia made a distressed face and rushed over to Link, who was still slumped over unconscious. 

“Is he still bleeding?? Leah this is fucking cashmere you prick!” she hissed, hurrying to use the tie on her robe and a dishtowel to stop the bleeding. I rolled my eyes. 

“I have duct tape,” I offered, and Nadia shot a glare at me over her shoulder. 

“I thought you said you hadn’t decided whether you were killing him or not,” she quipped, tightening the tie aggressively. It made Link jolt back awake and hiss in pain. Nadia drew in a long, melodramatic sigh and took a step back as Link started hazily looking around. 

“Eh,” I hummed noncommittally, and it made Link’s eyes snap over to mine, he widened them and then tried– unsuccessfully– to scoot the chair away. It almost fell over and Nadia had to grab it, pushing the arms down and leaning in close to Link with a smile on her lips. I rolled my eyes and Link yelped at the proximity. 

“Hey there baby, what’re you up to,” she whispered and Link tried his best to lean away from her. 

“Where am I?” he asked, voice shaking, and I glanced around the apartment Nadia and I unofficially shared while scratching my cheek absentmindedly. 

“Nadia’s place,” I said eventually, Nadia shot me a scathing look and I shrugged.

“Nice going dumbass, now he knows my name,” she said, and I rolled my eyes. 

“So what? Listen–kid, here’s my situation ok?” I said, walking over and hip checking Nadia gently out of the way. She glared a little but moved into the kitchen while I sat down on the couch across from Link, who watched me, eyes suspicious and fearful. 

“You saw that mess in the cabin, I can’t just have witnesses walking around you know? Mr. Trickston wasn’t supposed to be found for at least another couple of months,” I explained, and Link’s brow furrowed. 

“Wait, that was Johnny?” he asked, and I raised a brow. 

“You know him?”

“No! No– no, I mean, no. Not personally, but I’ve met him before, Jaz hates him,” he said quickly, and I nodded thoughtfully, thinking back to all the HR complaints I’d read. 

“Jaz is the fiancé right? The rude guy on the phone?” I asked, and Link bristled.

“He’s only being rude because you _kidnapped_ me. If anything you’re being the rude one.”

“Ooooh! Get her, you go kid I like you,” Nadia cheered from the doorway of the kitchen, I scowled over at her and she winked at me before disappearing again.

“Whatever, point is, now I’ve got two witnesses and a dead body– which, by the way, isn’t my first. Are you seeing my problem?” I asked, and Link gulped, his eyes darting over to the kitchen for a moment. 

“What about her? She’s a witness to the murders _and_ kidnapping,” he said, and Nadia popped her head out again with a feigned scandalized look. 

“ _Leah!_ Are you telling me you’re holding this boy here against his will?! I can’t believe this!” she wailed dramatically before pretending to faint against the door frame. I rolled my eyes and turned back to Link. 

“She’s a witness to a lot more than that. The difference between you and her is that I know she won’t get a hero streak and go to the cops,” I said, and Link’s eyes widened. 

“I won’t– if you let me go I won’t say anything, I swear,” he said, and I narrowed my eyes on him. 

“I hope you realize just how little those words mean to me,” I deadpanned and Link’s eyes flickered around as he tried to think of something. 

“What about money? Does your honey have some dough?” Nadia asked, having ‘regained’ consciousness. I glared at her and she mockingly shrugged at me. 

“What, if he has money you can just drop him off with Lovito and have him take care of it,” she added in Korean. I sighed, Lovito was a local crime ‘organizer’ who sometimes hired me for murders. He paid well, but he was gross. He’d also jump on the opportunity to squeeze some cash out of a hostage situation. I thought it over and then looked back at Link thoughtfully, but suddenly he’d gone suspiciously quiet. I narrowed my eyes on him. 

“Well, are you going to answer the lady?” I asked cooly, Nadia giggled in the background. 

“She called me _‘lady,’”_ she said faux dreamily, I ignored her. 

“What’s Jaz’s number,” I asked, pulling out the burner phone I’d meant to toss in a McDonald's garbage, Link started shaking his head desperately and I pulled my knife out again. “Number, or I find it out when I get his mailing address so I can send him your ring finger,” I threatened and Link’s eyes widened fearfully. He recited the number though, and I hit call. 

“ _You got Jaz, I’m probably busy planning a wedding, I’ll call you back when I can– oh and if this is Link: don’t worry I already picked up the cat food, love you.”_

I hung up and called the number again, just getting the voicemail. I sighed and called again, this time a tired voice picked up. 

“Not a great time, what?” he hissed and I resisted the urge to roll my eyes.

“How much money do you have access to?” I asked, leaning back on the couch. Nadia came over and settled down next to me, she dropped a cup of tea down on the table in front of me and sipped her own. She raised a brow questioningly at Link who was too busy staring at the phone and looking distraught to notice her question. 

“What–? Wait, who is this?” he asked and I sighed. 

“I’ll give you three guesses,” I deadpanned and Jaz growled on the other end of the phone. I pulled it away from my ear as he shouted insults. I glared at it and put it back to my ear.

“Listen, I have a headache, so keep your voice down will you?” I gritted and I heard Jaz scoff. 

“I’ll quiet down when I know where Link is you pruney, SACK OF SH–” I growled and then held out the phone towards Link while stomping on his foot. He shrieked, probably more from surprise than pain, but it worked just as effectively and Jaz shut up for a second. “What the fuck are you you doing to him you bitch I swear to god I’ll–”

“I’m not going to repeat myself again, be quiet, and tell me how much money you have access to,” I hissed.

“How much do you want?”

“Not what I asked.”

“Well it’s what I’m asking.”

“I don’t think you understand,” I said, trying for a sickly sweet tone, “answer me or you’ll be having a funeral instead of a wedding.” Link gulped and Jaz went silent on the other end of the phone. 

“I don’t– I don’t know that’s not just something I usually think about, it–” I clenched my jaw and dragged a hand down my face. 

“This is why I don’t deal with living people,” I muttered in Korean, and Nadia snorted. “Ok, here’s a new plan, I’ll say a number, you say yes or no, got it?” I asked, Jaz was silent for a moment.

“20 million,” I said, go big or go home I guess. Link made some kind of noise and I glared at him to shut him up. 

“It’ll take a couple days, everything’s invested in the– well, yeah…” Jaz trailed off, I squinted at the phone. 

“ _Really?_ ” I asked incredulously. Why the fuck would someone throw away _20 million dollars_ for a fuck buddy. That just didn’t make sense, there’s millions of other people in the world, and way cheaper prostitutes. 

“ _Really?_ Yeah, really, you’re holding my fucking fiancé hostage, I’m going to do whatever I can to get him back,” I raised a brow at Link, who blushed. 

“I’ll never understand love,” I muttered in Korean again, Nadia full on cackled this time. 

“How many people are there with you?” Jaz asked suddenly, and I froze, looking around. 

“None of your business loverboy,” I said, standing up and going over to the window to peek outside to the street. 

“Let me talk to Link,” Jaz demanded, and I rolled my eyes, tracking a tiny silver Miata as it sped past the apartment. 

“Yeah, sure, why don’t I just give you our location while I’m at it, _dumbass_ ,” I grumbled, before deciding that the coast was clear in front of the house. 

“You can listen ok! Just let me talk to him, I need to know that he’s ok,” Jaz said, suddenly his voice sounded raw and I blinked. _What the fuck is this._ I scowled at the phone for a moment. 

“Fine, but try anything and I’ll mail you his ear,” I hissed, and heard Jaz sigh with relief. I ignored it and made my way over to where Link was tied up and put the phone on speaker and held it up to his face. 

“Your man wants to say hi,” I grumbled, and Nadia made an appreciative noise from on the couch. 

“Awww, Leah is your cold, dead heart thawing?” I glared back at her as Link lunged closer to the phone. 

“Jaz?” he asked, and then grinned as Jaz answered.

“Link? Thank god, are you ok? What’s happening I swear to god if she hurt you I’m going to kill her,” Nadia laughed and Link winced. 

“I’m fine, I’m fine, are you ok?” Link asked.

“Am _I_ ok–? Link what the fuck, shut up, you’re the one who got yourself kidnapped.” Jaz snapped and Link smiled like an idiot despite the hostile tone. I scowled at him and the phone. “By the way, how did that happen?” Link winced again, and glanced over to me for a second before looking back at the phone. 

“I uh, I saw her walking and I just… I don’t know... I wouldn’t have wanted to be walking home in the middle of the night alone so I just, thought…”

“You just thought that you were being nice.”

“Yeah.”

“Christ Link don’t you read the news, don’t pick up strangers after dark, or period!”

“I probably wouldn’t have grabbed him if he hadn’t been going back to the cabin,” I interjected for some reason. Nadia’s eyes gleamed and Link shot me a grateful look, before realizing what he was doing. I slapped myself mentally. 

“Are you… defending the goodness of humanity?” Jaz asked slowly, “As literally someone who kidnapped a person?”

“Ok phone call over, say bye,” I snapped, and Link’s eyes went wide. 

“No, no please, please don’t make me–”

“When will anyone learn that begging _doesn’t fucking work?_ ” I hissed in Korean before glaring at Link. “I’m not going to fucking kill you chill just say bye for now,” I clarified and Link relaxed. 

“Jaz, I love you, I’m sorry, I–” “Shut it Link, don’t give me that, you have to be home in time to feed the cats, you know I’ll forget.” Jaz hissed, and that stupid smile was back on Link’s face. Like somehow those words meant the entire world to him. I made a face and tried not to gag. Nadia cackled at my expression. 

“I’ll call you later,” I snapped into the phone before hanging it up mid-threat. I was glad it was a flip phone and not one of the dumb iPhones so that I could slap it closed. Link flinched.

“Awww, Leah why can’t we be like that, you guys are so _cu-te!_ ” Nadia cooed, drawing out the word ‘cute’ so it sounded like two words. I rolled my eyes at her as Link blushed.

“Because I’m a sociopathic narcissist who likes murder,” I deadpanned, and Nadia gave me a look. 

“And aromantic,” she added in Korean, I waved her off. I didn’t care about labels, I didn’t care about anything other than the facts in the moment. If I wanted to eat pizza then I wanted to eat pizza. If I wanted to kill someone, then I wanted to kill someone. If I wanted to have sex then I wanted to have sex. It didn’t matter who it was I was having it with, and it seemed as impractical as Nadia’s sleeves to label it. Nadia however was obsessed with labels, she was something called a cupiosexual. I’d done a little research into all the different labels but they all just sounded like the same thing to me. Besides, I didn’t have time to perfectly name everything about myself, I had other things to be worrying about, like the hostage I had sitting in Nadia’s living room. He and Nadia were currently chatting, I couldn’t be bothered to try and figure out what they were talking about and then the timer on Nadia’s oven went off and I remembered the pizza-rolls. 

Nadia joined me in the kitchen after a couple of minutes of me trying to stuff the boiling rolls into my mouth and then spitting them back out in my hand and rubbing my newly charred tongue on the roof of my mouth. I’d finally gotten four rolls down by the time she showed up and leaned against the counter on either side of me so I was boxed in by her arms. I rolled my eyes and she leaned in. 

“He’s cute, are you really just going to sell him off to Lovito?” she asked, stealing a pizza roll and biting off the corner so it would cool.

“Probably, I don’t want to have to deal with a whole hostage situation. Sounds like a pain,” I said, she nodded thoughtfully and finished off her one roll in the time I’d eaten five. 

“Yeah, besides, he’s starting to get friendly, and your dumbass usually kills things that get close,” she teased, I rolled my eyes. “How about you just let him go, just for me. He won’t say anything I swear,” Nadia said suddenly, and I narrowed my eyes on her. 

“Don’t tell me–”

“He’s just so _adorable_ , Lovito’s probably gonna fuck him up somehow,” she whined and I sighed.

“Sorry, but I can’t let a witness run free.”

“Not even for me?”

“Not even for you. Especially not for you, I hate your guts.” I said, and she grinned. 

“Whatever you say 내 사랑.”

*L*

At least now I got to ride in the backseat I guess. Except it was the footwell of the backseat, which wasn’t much of an improvement. Every pothole was making me slam my head into the car door and my leg was aching. The girl– Nadia– had helped patch it up a little better, but it still hurt, especially since all she’d had on hand was Advil for pain relief. At least now though, with the real bandages and antiseptic, I was less worried about infection.

Leah– I’d finally learned the name of the woman who’d kidnapped me– still hadn’t filled me in on where we were headed but I got re-zip-tied and duct taped for it. Part of me hoped it was to some rendezvous point where I’d see Jaz again. I wanted to be home, sitting on my couch with my cats watching some documentary that would make Jaz yawn overdramatically. 

The other part of me though, _really_ didn’t want Jaz to pay 20 million dollars. I was feeling guilty just thinking about him spending that much for me. The wedding cost had already been a bone of contention between us and now this? 

I groaned as Leah went over another pothole. 

“Stop moaning we’re almost there,” she said, tone sounding flat and completely unapologetic. The only thing I knew about our destination was that she’d had a phone conversation with someone named ‘Lovito.’ I didn’t know who ‘Lovito’ was or what they wanted, but I was nervous about meeting them. My anticipation only grew as Leah suddenly stopped the car and got out. I strained to hear the muffled voices from outside the car. 

“...Leah, Leah, lovely Leah, how’ve you been darling?” a voice drawled in a sing-song tone. 

“You got my cash Lovito?” Leah’s voice asked sharply, and I heard a laugh. 

“Always business with you ain’t it? Yeah, I got your cash, lemme see our man first though.” Evidently ‘Lovito’ said, and then the door opened and I almost spilled out of the car. I hadn’t realized I’d been so pressed against it, but Leah caught me and hauled me up to a semi-standing position against the car. I glared at her and she offered me a deadpanned shrug. 

Behind her there was a tall, snake-like man in a black suit with gelled black hair. He grinned at me, eyes flicking up and down in a way that made my skin crawl. He flicked his chin to gesture at me. 

“Bobby, check ‘im,” Lovito said, and another man– Bobby– stepped forward, he patted me down and then ripped off the duct tape. I hissed at the unexpected pain but then his hands were prying open my mouth. I spit on the ground when _Bobby_ finally got his fingers out of my mouth. 

“He’s good,” Bobby said, going back to stand behind Lovito. 

“You said you were selling him back to the fiancé,” Leah said, watching Lovito carefully. Lovito grinned and spread his hands in a casual gesture. 

“Eh, one million isn’t nearly as much as I could get from someone else, you know how it is Leah, business and all,” he said and my guts started crawling with panic. I looked over to Leah, who was scowling at Lovito. 

“Jaz said–” Leah slapped a hand over my mouth to shut me up and I blinked at her. 

“Zip it dumbass,” she hissed, not taking her eyes off of Lovito. 

“Oh, you always were so diplomatic Leah,” He grinned. “Alrighty, give the lady what she wants, then we can all be on our merry ways,” Lovito said, waving a hand for another one of the four guys standing behind him to bring a case forward. Leah shifted suddenly and pulled out her phone. 

“Give me one second guys,” she said, throwing up a plastic smile as she walked around to the back of the car and dialed a number. I heard her snap something in hushed korean before she closed the phone and came back to stand beside me, now she was grinning, and I gulped. Lovito’s smile started to falter. 

“Who was that Leah?” he gritted out through a clenched jaw. And Leah took a step towards him. 

“Nadia, she says hi,” and then everything went to hell. 

First Leah lunged forward and landed a painful looking kick to Lovito’s groin, when he folded in half she slammed his face down onto her knee and then shoved his unconscious body aside. Three of the other guys charged at her, Bobby holding a gun, and Leah grabbed it out of his hand and slammed it against his temple while kicking another guy in the gut. Bobby collapsed, and the other guy was gasping for breath while Leah broke the third guys nose and then whacked the second guy with the gun so that all three of them and Lovito were laying at her feet. She glanced up, the last goon– the one holding the case full of money– yelped and started booking it. Leah sighed and chucked the gun at the back of his head so that he dropped down to the ground. 

My eyes widened as I watched Leah walk over to me. She shoved me out of the way and then pulled more zip ties out of the car and secured them around her own wrists. I watched her in confusion. 

“Bu– wha– you– I– huh?” I managed and Leah rolled her eyes while yanking against the zip ties. 

“Listen up, this is our story–” she started as she broke the zip tie over her knee and grabbed Bobby. There were red marks now around her wrists as she hefted him up and placed his hands carefully around the steering wheel in a couple of places and on the stick shift before dropping his body again. “These bozos kidnapped us, this guy here drove us out here and we managed to get the drop on them.” Leah said as she cut the zip ties off my wrists with her knife. I blinked at her. 

“I–”

“Got it?”

“Y– yeah, yeah I got it.”

“Good, and there will be no mention of my alleged kidnapping of you, or I’ll track down your fiancé and rip out his spine,” she hissed, I yelped and nodded quickly. “Good,” she said again with a nod, “Nadia called the cops, they should be here any second.”

*E*

This was better anyways, if Nadia ever heard what had happened she probably would have skinned me. I liked my skin on my body. I tried to convince myself I’d stopped the whole thing just for that reason. I could’ve lived with my being responsible for Link getting sold off to who-knows-where. I didn’t care about him. I tried not to think about it as the cops led us both into one of the offices. They kept questioning us, which was annoying because I just kept having to answer the same stupid questions. Luckily Link was better at the whole ‘traumatized victim’ act then I was. 

“So you were both taken at the 7/11 on Cross street at approximately 11:45 pm, is that correct?” The officer asked, _again_ , and I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. 

“Yes sir, she saw them grabbing me and tried to help, but they just ended up taking her too,” Link repeated for probably the fourth time, and the officer nodded and let out an exasperated sigh. 

“Alright, you’re free to go, there’s someone out waiting for you, says he’s your fiancé,” the officer said, and Link perked up.

“Jaz?” he asked hopefully, and the officer waved a hand. 

“Probably, I didn’t catch a name over the death threats, you should probably hurry out,” he said, and Link was out of the room in a second, I stood up to follow but the officer stopped me. 

“Listen, er– the woman that called in the tip, you wouldn’t happen to know anything about that would you?” I smiled, and hoped it didn’t look as smug as I felt.

“Sorry officer, I have no idea,” I said, he nodded. 

“Alright then, have a good rest of your day, try and get some rest,” he said, tipping his hat to me as I walked out. As soon as I looked up I spotted Link, he was being held at arm’s length by another man– who I assumed must be Jaz. 

Jaz was a bit taller than Link, and he had black hair that was tied up in a haphazard looking bun, he had tanned skin and almond shaped eyes and was wearing an expression that looked like relief. After a moment he stopped scanning Link and latched onto him. He whispered something in Link’s ear that made Link go close to limp. Jaz’s knuckles were turning white from where they were gripping Jaz’s coat and I wondered vaguely what it would feel like to be that worried about losing someone. Then Jaz looked over Link’s shoulder and noticed me. He narrowed his eyes on me and whispered something that made Link turn around, they were both still clutching each other like their lives depended on it, but Link let go with one hand to wave me over. My stomach rolled at the idea but I ignored it and made my way over. 

“Jaz this is– this is Leah, she… helped me escape,” Link said slowly as we started walking outside. He was eyeing me carefully as Jaz reached out a hand and I shook it carefully. 

“I can’t thank you enough, really, I owe you– fuck I owe you everything, if there’s anything, _anything_ we can do for you please, just feel free to reach out,” he said shaking my hand enthusiastically. 

I grinned. “Oh, I think I’ll be fine, thank you though, _loverboy_.” 

*The End*


End file.
